Starkness
by Runaway Deviant
Summary: Because who needs the Avengers when you're Tony Stark? AU; Tony is kind of a villain with a strict "no-kill" policy and absolutely no reason for being "evil" except that being a hero is boring and SO last century.
1. Austere

**Disclaimer:** Oh my god, I wish this was mine. Tony would be a villain, Loki would be an Avenger and they would have an illicit love affair that ended with half-Jötunn babies running around and Tony eating some of Iðunn's apples.

The likelihood of this ever having another chapter is nil (having said that, you should expect more, and probably soon).

* * *

"JARVIS, put on Slam by Pendulum, would you?"

"Going outside your usual musical preferences, sir?" the AI asked politely, and the song started blaring through the helm's internal speakers.

"Today's a special kind of day," Tony grunted as he bore down on his tower - _his_ _tower_ - inside which the alien known as Loki was currently standing, according to JARVIS, who was never wrong.

He'd been in Hong Kong with Pepper when he'd gotten the call - "Tony," Rhodey had babbled into his phone, obviously distressed, "We're being mobilised to deal with an extraterrestrial threat; apparently an alien is trying to take over the world! Can you believe this shit!?"

Unfortunately, Tony could. He'd been hacking into SHIELD for years now; their security was completely crap for such a "powerful" organisation, and the innate bad guy in him just couldn't resist. He'd read all about aliens and bridges through space and psychos throwing lightning around. He'd also read about Captain America being found and something called the "Avengers Initiative" to bring together the superheroes of Earth in defence of their planet, just in case.

The world, it seemed, was about to become a lot more interesting.

"I know it's not your thing," Rhodey continued, "I know you're, well, a _villain_, but- This is our _planet_ we're talking about and-"

"The only person who's going to take this world by storm is me, Rhodey," Tony informed him, already standing in front of his suit. Let it never be said that Tony was an incompetent villain - he had a lair in every major city in the world, each of them with at least one suit hidden inside somewhere.

"You'll help?"

"Rhodey, I want the world to survive as much as you do - I'm kind of fond of some of the people here."

"I never thought I'd hear you say that, I'm touched."

"Who said anything about you being on that list?" he quipped as the armour arranged itself on his body, the call transferring to his helm, "Seriously though, Rhodey, keep your air force buddies busy; I don't want them attacking me thinking that I'm on the aliens' side."

"I'll do my best. Kick some ass Tony."

Tony planned to do just that. He touched down on the landing pad that was supposedly for small aircraft, and which he really used for landing in his suits, and looked through his very expensively-glazed windows. Inside, he spied Loki, who was staring at him with challenging brows raised.

"Another hero? I had thought that the Avengers were all there were," the alien said slyly as Tony strolled into the room like he owned the place (which he did).

"Oh, I'm no hero," Tony informed him as he came to a stop behind the bar, "But this _is_ my planet, and to be honest, I don't think it's big enough to hold both of our egos."

"Really?" he drawled, "The question is, do you see this planet as the place you live on, or a place which you own?"

"Oh, it's definitely something I own. I am a literal superpower."

Loki stared at him speculatively for a moment before smirking; "Join me."

Incredulity fairly summarised Tony's state of mind at that moment. A small window appeared at the corner of his eye and informed him that a quinjet was landing on his roof, and he grinned behind his faceplate; the cavalry had arrived.

"And what, pray, tell, would I get from this arrangement?"

"Shared ownership," Loki said, his eyes glinting manically, "I would rule the world and you would rule beside me, and we would reform this planet to suit our visions!"

His informative little window was tracking three of the Avengers as they tried to shut down the machine and failed, and then as they made for the door to the penthouse.

Tony took a moment to look like he was thinking about it, walking around the bar to stand closer to the alien - enough time for the heroes to halt at the door behind Loki and stare at them both suspiciously; "I'm sorry, I actually like the world as it is."

Loki laughed; "Surely you cannot be satisfied with the way it is? It could be so much better!"

"Unfortunately for you," Tony said, fast becoming annoyed with the man before him, "I love this planet. Everything from the sheeple to the SHIELD agent that follows me around like a puppy."

"I killed a SHIELD agent earlier today," Loki mused, smirking slightly - he was obviously aware of and trying to provoke the heroes behind him.

"Really? Must've been tough; those guys are like cockroaches."

"Indeed. What was his name, again? Ah yes, the one that Thor knew; the Son of Coul."

Tony was vaguely aware that the blonde guy with the shield (who was obviously Captain America) had leapt forward with a battle cry, but he had ceased paying attention to them. His tunnel vision was focused solely on Loki.

Coulson. He had _killed Coulson_.

Loki danced out of the way of the Captain's shield, but didn't have time to react when Tony's hand shot up and sent a repulsor blast at his face, slamming him into the elevator door.

"He was _mine_," he growled, and through the distortion of the helmet it sounded like an honest to god animal was inside the suit.

Loki extricated himself from the door with a slight wince, "My apologies for stealing your kill," he said with a smirk, "But that really was uncalled for. What is the phrase here, "an eye for an eye"?"

And then Tony found himself flying out of his very expensively-glazed windows.

"Fuck, those things cost more than the Mark II did," he murmured as he flipped and flew back up. His penthouse was being trashed by the heroes trying to save the day - so thoroughly were they destroying his home that they didn't even notice when an alien fleet started coming through a portal in the sky.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" he yelled, gaining all of the combatants' attention as he shot up towards the incoming hoard, "Don't make me quote Avatar, you assholes!"

He missed Loki jumping out of the Iron Man-shaped hole in the windows to jump onto one of the alien scooters, and he missed Captain America ordering his team into action, but he did notice when there was suddenly a six foot something, ridiculously muscled, hammer-wielding maniac flying nearby him, alternatively bashing and zapping the aliens at they came through the portal.

Then there was a _thing_, a _huge thing_, flying through at him and he was yelling; "Holy shit! Hammer-guy, get out of the way!"

He flipped himself over and flew towards the ground, tailed closely by hammer guy and, sadly, the _thing_ as well.

"JARVIS, have you ever heard the story of Jonah?" he asked rhetorically as he flipped again to face his "whale".

"Sir, I really don't recommend-"

"Too late!" he cried as he flew past hammer-guy and straight at the _thing_, which obliging opened its mouth.

"Man of Iron!" hammer-guy called as he flashed past, into the belly of the beast.

"Ew, ew, ew!" he muttered as he traversed the slimy interior, "JARVIS, remind me to melt this suit down once we win this, would you?"

"Yes, sir," JARVIS replied, sounding equal parts exasperated and disgusted.

"Release the hounds!"

The explosion viewed from the outside must have been spectacular, Tony mused once he was free, "JARVIS, locate the Avengers."

"All of the team's members, as listed by SHIELD, have regrouped to the north of your position, sir; coordinates are on screen."

"Thanks."

He sped towards them, touching down gently nearby and examining all of them from head to toe as he walked the rest of the way.

"Nice apocalypse you've got going here," he said once he was close enough to speak to them, halting a good eight feet from the group, "Need some help?"

"Not from you, we don't," man-with-bow said with narrowed eyes, "You'll probably take advantage and steal half the city once cleanup starts."

"The Man of Iron has already aided us," hammer-guy pointed out, "Surely that is enough reason to allow us to trust him, if only temporarily?"

"I'm so glad that my reputation precedes me," Tony said, genuinely pleased, "But I'm going to kill aliens whether you ask me to or not; I kind of like New York, you know?"

Before man-with-bow could say something snarky in return, Captain America stepped forward; "We'll take all the help we can get. Steve Rogers," he said, sticking out a hand.

Tony snorted and reached out a gauntlet to shake; "I know Fury doesn't know my real name, so I'll give you an alias instead; Ankh Tanstory, temporarily at your service, Captain."

The Captain honestly looked like he was going to introduce the rest of his team, but Tony waved him off; "We have a world to save. If I feel like playing nice I'll come back later and we can have a tea party or something; where do you need me?"

He nodded and turned to his team; obviously Captain America had faith in spades, because he'd just turned his back on a potential threat.

"Alright, listen up."

**0o0o0**

Tony jerked into consciousness at the sound of roaring nearby. His hands immediately rose to either shoot or block, but the action was needless. He found himself lying on the floor in the middle of what had previously been a battlefield, three superheroes standing around him. Judging by the grins that they were sporting, they were happy to see his suit rebooting, though _why_ was another matter entirely – he was, after all, a villain.

Captain America stuck out his right hand, obviously inviting him to take it and use it to help himself up. Any other day, Tony would have refused on principle, but today he had come alarmingly close to death multiple times; accepting aid from someone who really should have been an enemy was the least of his worries right now.

"Thanks," Tony grunted as he took the Captain's hand and used it to haul himself up, "This wasn't exactly how I planned to spend my Friday, but I guess it could've been worse."

"Yeah, the entire world could have been enslaved," America informed him, and Tony rolled his eyes behind his face plate.

"Thank you Captain Obvious," he deadpanned, "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go and see if my lair is intact. God help Loki if there's a dent in a single one of my mainframes," the last was mumbled, though he was sure they heard him loud and clear, and he made to jet.

"Wait!" the Captain said, taking a step forward as Tony stepped back to give himself room to take off.

"What do you want, America?"

"You're not really a villain, are you?"

Tony stared blankly at the soldier for a moment before remembering that he couldn't see the expression. So he dropped his head into his hands instead.

"What in the world made you think _that_, Captain? I've been tearing stuff down and blowing shit up since before you were even defrosted."

"You helped us out today," the Captain informed him as though he hadn't already known that, "and no real villain would have sacrificed his life like you almost did to save the city."

"Heroes are not the only people on this planet, you idiot," Tony informed him rather coldly, "The rest of mankind has to live here as well. Not to mention, heroes aren't the only people capable of human emotion. If New York were to burn I would lose more than just the battle, let me tell you."

Before Captain Naivety could argue anything else, Tony engaged his thrusters and flew away. He didn't look back.

**0o0o0**

The first time Steve met Tony Stark, he wasn't quite sure what to think.

According to gossip around the helicarrier, the man who designed pretty much everything that SHIELD owned had rushed back from Hong Kong as fast his security team would allow him to board the plane. He had immediately set about throwing money at New York to try and help fix the mess created by the Chitauri, hiring possibly half the tradesmen in the United States and shipping them to the city in his bid to repair "his city".

Steve had heard this, of course, but he hadn't thought that he was ever actually going to meet the man until he saw him hauling rubble in downtown Manhattan one morning with a crew of paid and volunteer workers.

Wearing a black t-shirt, black slacks that probably cost more than everything Steve was wearing and which were being ruined and work boots that had to be the most expensive on the market, the man had at the same time wreaked of wealth and leadership. And sweat. Steve shook off the image of Howard that superimposed itself on top of the younger Stark and moved forward to offer his help.

"Need a couple more hands?" he asked, smiling. He was supposed to be going to another SHIELD debriefing, but he _really_ needed a break from all that.

Stark looked up from the slab of sidewalk he had been about to pick up and pulled off his sunglasses; "Well fuck me dead; Steve Rogers. Shouldn't you have a SHIELD collar on you somewhere?"

Steve blinked at the not-so-veiled insult, and Stark grinned.

"I kid. We could use the extra super-manpower. Tony Stark, call me Tony," he introduced himself, sticking out his hand.

Steve shook it with an uncertain smile, "It seems you already know my name."

Tony snorted; "You kidding? My dad never shut up about you; he had pictures of the two of you in his office and spent more time looking for your frozen ass than he did raising me."

Before Steve would reply to this somewhat upsetting statement, Tony turned back to his helpers.

"Minions, I have acquired the Captain of America. Where are the heaviest pieces of building, since we now have someone that can lift them without the help of a crane?"

The "minions", far from looking star-struck at the sight of the hero, smiled at him rather evilly and pointed at a block with a circumference the size of his torso.

"Well, you saw them," Tony said, slapping him on the back, "Get that block into the truck and then the next chunk and the next one, and eventually the street will be clear enough for trucks to get through to the next block off and we can send another team in to clean that up too. March!"

So Steve spent the entire rest of the day hauling rubble beside a gaggle of everyday New Yorkians and an eccentric billionaire, cleaning up their city. He felt the phone in his pocket - which he suddenly remembered was designed by Stark Industries - go off at least seven times, but he was sure that once he explained to Fury what he had been doing he would be off the hook.

**0o0o0**

He was right, sort of.

Fury had sighed in exasperation and sent him away, obviously preoccupied with other aspects of the cleanup which Steve wasn't sure he wanted to know. He thought he heard the words "good publicity" as the door shut, though.

As he headed towards his room, his phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket, only to frown when there was no caller ID.

"Hello?" he asked uncertainly, and was met with a laugh.

"Have you checked the children?" the voice of Tony Stark asked, a smirk evident in his tone, "You probably don't get that reference, but oh well. You up for dinner sometime? Apparently SHIELD is looking for a base of operations for the Avengers in New York and they decided that my tower is iconic enough to do the job. If you're going to be living with me, it'd probably be good to get to know you first."

Steve's brain took a moment to catch up before telling him to answer the question, and he nodded before remembering that Tony couldn't see him.

"Yeah, dinner sounds good. When-"

"Awesome," Tony cut in, "Invite your teammates too; apparently Fury wants _all_ of you in here. Fucked if I know how I'm going to fit any ego but my own in that tower," the last was mumbled, but Steve heard and snorted.

"Yeah, I am pretty funny huh? I'll text you the details later; it was nice talking to you," and with that he hung up.

Steve stared at his phone in bemusement for a moment before smiling; Tony's mind obviously worked at a million miles an hour, so he probably didn't even have time to _think_ of niceties before his mind flittered off to another topic.

**0o0o0**

Tony, standing in his New York mansion and examining his latest suit design, smirked like the cat that got the proverbial cream.

"A tea party or something," he mumbled to himself, "Fuck tea parties; I want seafood."

He called Pepper to have her make reservations for him and the Avengers, and then stood back and smiled at his latest baby.

"This is going to be _so_ much fun."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

I should be writing other things. I am a bad person.

An update for SatB should be forthcoming sometime this week. If it's not, please send me an angry email; I probably need the kick in the arse to shake off the story-selective writer's block.


	2. Bleak

Dinner went smashingly, of course – Tony was, after all, directly involved.

He got along well with all of his arch nemeses, especially Banner, with whom he'd immediately bonded after poking the man with a desert fork to test his mettle.

Exclusively discussing science would have alienated the rest of his soon-to-be-tenants, though, so he forced himself to talk to them too. Natasha was forever aloof, Barton gave his own snarky nature a run for its money, Thor was _really_ fucking loud, and Steve seemed unable to remove the smile from his face, presumably from the sight of all his friends getting along.

When dinner was over, Tony announced that they were going to have a look at his tower to acquaint them with what was going to be home for most of them from now on.

He showed them around the higher levels of the building; the floor that they'd trashed had had all of his workspaces and tech removed, and was now simply a comfortably casual bar and living room area. Downstairs from that was a similarly-shaped space set up as a kitchen and dining room, large enough for all of them and probably a number of guests. Above these two levels was what had apparently once been Tony's rooms for his more permanent staff and his friends.

"I converted the floors that would have housed Ms Potts and Rhodey into rooms for you all," he informed them as he waved his arms at the doors, "That's a third of a floor for each of you, and a spare room in case anyone feels like having a sleepover. Feel free to pick your own room. Oh, and the level above your two floors is my own personal floor. I won't use it much, since I'm going to be living in my mansion across town, but I'd prefer it if you didn't go up there."

"No problem, Tony," Steve said, smile still present.

"Awesome. Move in whenever; I'm not fussed. JARVIS will allow all of you access to most of the building, so don't worry about security or anything. I have to get back to my place so that my lovely assistant doesn't think I've gone off and drunk too much. 'Night."

**0o0o0**

Settling in to the tower was easy enough. Steve didn't have much in the way of belongings, so transferring it all from his sparsely used SHIELD apartment in Brooklyn was no big deal, and after calling dibs on a couch he had settled himself down to enjoy getting used to the Tower.

He was happily reading a book on modern history when something seen from the corner of his eye caught his attention.

He glanced up, out the window, but didn't see anything.

Figuring it was a trick of the night-time New York lights on the new glass, he turned back to his book. A few minutes later, another light caught his attention, and he glanced up to see the fastest flash of bright blue before it was gone again.

This time he set the book down and made his way outside. He stood on the balcony for a short time, wondering what the flash could have been, before his mouth dropped open slightly at what he saw flying towards him.

Iron Man, in full suit and glowing blue in the appropriate places, was carrying a huge steel net via a harness attached to his torso. Inside the net was possibly half a New York block, in pieces.

The supposed villain paid him no mind as he flew by, slower than normal because of his burden, moving towards the place where the garbage barges - now rubble barges - docked for the night. Steve laughed in wonder as he realised that Iron Man was actually _helping_ with the cleanup - far from stealing the city, he was cleaning it! Steve had thought that the miraculous disappearance of rubble in the night had been a product of a hoard of determined workers toiling throughout the night; apparently it was just _one_ such person.

He heard the distant sound of stone meeting stone and metal barge, and smirked at the returning glows of light that marked Iron Man's position in the sky.

"Iron Man!" he called just before the man reached his position and while the suit's "face" gave no visible reaction, he did change direction in order to land on the balcony near Steve.

"Captain, fancy seeing you here," Iron Man said in greeting, "You shacking up with Stark, then?"

Steve coughed at the implication; "No, I am not. You disrespect both me and Tony when you say things like that."

"Oh, you're not shacking up with him, but he _is_ Tony," the metal man said with what had to be a grin behind the mask, "Really, Captain, I've been around the block too, you know; I get how these things work."

Steve frowned in what he hoped was a manner to discourage further discussion on the topic; "The entire team is living here, actually."

"Thank you for that important tactical information, Captain. Now I know where to hit if I want to make it hurt."

Steve resisted the urge to slap his forehead. What a rookie mistake; he should have realised that Iron Man was fishing for information.

"Speaking of hitting where it hurts," Steve said after a moment of silence, "Why were you so torn up over Agent Coulson? He didn't die, by the way; they managed to resuscitate him. Fury was ly-"

"I already know that," Iron Man scoffed, "SHIELD keeps secrets like a sieve holds water. As to the question; Coulson is _my _annoyingly goody-two-shoes agent. It doesn't matter that he's SHIELD or a total twat most of the time - no one on this Earth is allowed to hurt him, especially if they're not actually _from_ Earth."

"Except you."

"Are you kidding?" he laughed, his helm tilting back slightly, "I couldn't put a scratch on him! Trust me – I've been trying to escape his tail for years, and I've even thrown cars at him in the past. The man is incapable of dying; he's more like the son of God than the son of Coul."

"You may have a point," Steve conceded, "He _was_ stabbed through a lung and a bunch of ribs."

"Exactly; he is a god."

"That doesn't explain how he's your property, though."

Iron Man put a hand on his hip, "He's assigned to watch me, and he has been ever since I first made an appearance, even before I started on the path of villainy. Which reminds me, why did you call me over in the first place? I have things to do," he gestured to the netting currently wrapped around his middle.

"I was just going to point out another way that you aren't a villain," Steve admitted easily, looking pointedly at the net, and the man in the suit snorted.

"Another thing that belongs to me is New York. No one gets to live here except people that I allow; I chase off everyone that doesn't meet my approval."

"Even heroes?"

"I don't have a beef with you just yet, Captain. We're off to a good start; let's keep it that way."

**0o0o0**

True to his word, Iron Man scared off _everyone_ that he didn't want taking up residence in New York.

A few villains made their attempts on the weakened city, but Iron Man blasted them to kingdom come; he'd even dropped Dr Doom into the water in front of the Statue of Liberty and told him, in no uncertain terms, to go back to his own country. The Latverian monarch had honestly looked close to tears.

Anyone who didn't leave immediately found everything they loved and held dear, asides from people, being incinerated at an alarming rate until they left. The people of New York were, unsurprisingly, rather fond of Iron Man, and had been for some time. He may occasionally blow up things in Ohio or set trucks on fire in California, but he kept _their_ city safe, and that was all that mattered to them.

Meanwhile, Iron Man visitations became an almost regular thing for Steve. Even after the worst of the debris removal was over and the metal man no longer spent his evenings hauling rubble, he would fly past the window repeatedly until he caught Steve's attention. They would then talk about just about anything; from what Fury had looked like pre eye patch to where their favourite hotdog stands were to the state of affairs in the USA that week.

At the same time, it also became a semi-regular thing to have Tony over for dinner. Sometimes he wouldn't turn up at the tower for weeks at a time, and sometimes he'd appear and sit down like he'd never left. The man was an enigma; he baffled Steve endlessly, but that only succeeded in drawing Steve in further. He loved puzzles.

Then again, sometimes not knowing what Tony would do next was a hazardous state of being.

"Do you have something to tell me, Steve?" Tony asked with a smirk one evening, drawing the attention of everyone at the table.

"Um..." Steve replied, trying to think of whatever it was that he'd done wrong this time.

"You see," the billionaire continued when it was clear that Steve was drawing a blank, "last night I finally looked at this security footage from the tower that JARVIS flagged for my viewing. It was really one of the most intriguing things I've ever seen."

Steve paled as he suddenly realised where this was going. The entire team was looking appropriately nosy, and he knew that Tony was very unlikely to let this matter go unheard by the rest of the tower's residents; friends they may have become, but Tony was still very capable of being a major asshole.

"I have nothing against you making friends," the man said, and Steve was absolutely positive that he was enjoying this, "and inviting them over is fine too, but I'd prefer it if you wouldn't let such-well known villains land on my balcony without at least a token fight. If nothing else, it's bad for the team's reputation, and since you're so new to this you can't afford bad press."

Steve nodded silently, looking appropriately contrite. His team openly stared at him, obviously wondering what had possessed him to do such a thing.

"There's only one villain in New York," Bruce said slowly, frowning.

"You're letting _Iron Man_ land on the _porch_?" a horrified Clint exclaimed.

Tony looked offended; "It's not a porch, it's a balcony."

Clint rounded on Tony, "_Iron Man_ is landing _on your balcony_, and you're more upset about me calling it a _porch_?"

Tony just rolled his eyes; "You don't know this since you pretty much never leave the tower, but Iron Man has been New York's _hero_ for years now. He kicks out the other villains, he never actually attacks the city himself, and I hear he once actually saved a cat from a tree."

"He blew up four blocks in Seattle yesterday because he didn't like the way that their silhouettes fit into the skyline!"

"I never said the guy was sane."

"Why, exactly, did he save a cat from a tree?" Bruce asked, looking amused. Clint sent him a betrayed look, which was ignored.

"Apparently some kid saw him fly past and screamed for his help. He probably thought she was being murdered or something, so he came back and she asked him to get her cat."

"And he actually did it?" Steve asked with an amused smile.

"Yup; man's obviously a fruitcake. Personally, I would never save something fluffy and potentially squishable in a suit that enhances my strength."

"That just shows the kind of person that you are, Tony," Natasha said calmly, "You should get an award; "Tony Stark, a worse person than most villains"."

"Thanks," he drawled dryly, smirking, "Well, I have shit to do tonight; may god help me if Pepper finds out I haven't prepared for tomorrow's board meeting. I will see all of you around."

He stood and grabbed his plate, throwing it into the sink and then walking to the elevator; "Happy heroing, I s'pose."

The second the doors shut, Clint stood up too; "Dick," he muttered as he walked over to the kitchen and pt his dishes into the dishwasher, closely followed by Tony's, "Can't even clean up after himself."

"I think he usually hires people to do things like that _for_ him," Steve said with a smile, standing as well.

"I guess Tony's leaving was the end of dinner?" Bruce observed as Natasha got up as well.

"Apparently so, Friend Bruce," Thor said, and the two of them rose as well, "Shall we challenge each other on the device named "Wii" to determine our levels of skill in music-playing?"

Clint snorted; "If it's anything like last time, count me in. Thor's "skill in music-playing" is absolutely classic."

* * *

**AN:** Seriously, though, this isn't a major project. I might throw a chapter at it every little while if I'm stressed or something, but it's mostly one of those projects that stays in my mind and never escapes. Really.


	3. Spare

Sirens blared all over the helicarrier, lights flashed in every section of the ship and Agent Hill's voice could be heard over the comm. system; "We have a hostile on the flight deck! I repeat: there is a hostile on the flight deck; we need agents out there, right now!"

The Avengers, fresh from a debriefing, were already running for the ship's deck; apparently someone had decided to take advantage of that fact that the helicarrier was currently sitting in the water off the coast of New Jersey for engine maintenance.

When they got there, "surprise" would have been inadequate to describe Steve's feelings; there stood Iron Man, arms crossed and, despite not having any facial expressions, looking distinctly pissed off.

"Iron Man," he greeted cautiously, walking forward slowly, "Fancy seeing you here."

"I need to see Fury," the suited man said bluntly, not moving at all, "God help me, Captain, if he isn't out here in under a minute I will tear this place apart."

"That won't be necessary," the Director announced as he came through the door behind the Avengers, "What seems to be the problem, Iron Man?"

Iron Man snarled, and Steve wondered what the heck Fury had done to make him so mad; "Give her back," he hissed menacingly, bringing his arms out to his sides, his metal-coated fingers curved like claws.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Fury informed him, stepping in front of Steve.

"Aegis!" Iron Man all but yelled, "You took Aegis! She was flying and you snatched her out of the sky, you son of a bitch; she's never even done anything wrong, she was just joy-riding! Give her back or I will _get_ her back."

"Perhaps after we manage to get her out of that armour we might," Fury said dismissively, "Your security is astoundingly good, Iron Man; no matter what we do, the suit refuses to open."

Iron Man snarled wordlessly, and there was a beat of silence before a completely different sort of alarm starting blaring across the deck; "Self-destruct initiated. Five minutes until self-destruct. Self-destruct initiated."

Steve gaped at Iron Man; had he gone insane? He'd kill them all!

"Give her back," he said lowly, and Fury glared at him.

"You are playing with fire, Iron Man. You're not on our active hostiles list, but that can change very quickly."

"Give. Her. Back," he said slowly, "Then maybe I'll shut off the self-destruct and you can live to fuck yourself over another day."

The two men stared at each other across the deck, neither showing a shred of emotion, for almost a full minute, before Fury reached up to tap his earpiece; "Bring the Aegis suit up to the flight deck. Make it quick."

"Much better," Iron Man said, and silence reigned, but for the security breach and self-destruct alarms, until a hoard of SHIELD agents surrounding another suited person arrived on the scene.

"Ankh!" she called, obviously relieved to see him.

"Tango," he breathed, taking a half step forward, before glancing at Fury; "Make your lackeys fuck off, Fury, or I'll blast them away myself."

Fury nodded to them, and the front ranks of agents dispersed, leaving Aegis, or Tango, as she was apparently named, to walk quickly over to her partner. He gripped her gauntlet in his own and they obviously held a private conversation inside their helms, because Aegis took off, and Iron Man turned back to address Fury.

"Never touch her again," he said, voice devoid of anything akin to emotion. The self-destruct alarm abruptly stopped and he took a couple of steps back; "The same goes for War Machine; they are _mine_."

"From what I hear, you call a whole plethora of things _yours_, Iron Man," Fury informed him flatly, "I can't help but wonder what the consequences would be if I happened to slip one day and, say, shoot one of your friends out of the sky."

"I'm like Bruce Wayne's evil cousin," Iron Man announced without humour, despite the ludicrous statement, "I won't kill you, but I will _make you pay_ if you cross me."

"Is that a threat, Iron Man?" Fury asked, looking impassive, though his fingers were twitching for his gun.

"If you touch Aegis again, you can count it as one."

"I will do what I have to keep this nation safe, Iron Man, and _you_ are a self-confessed villain. That makes you, and anyone you associate with, a threat as well."

"Aren't you sad to hear that, Captain?" the metal man asked innocently, and Natasha swore, "You and me are _threats_."

He engaged his boot thrusters and hovered for a moment before flying away, flipping them all the bird as he went.

Fury waited until the villain was a red and gold speck on the horizon before turning to glare at Steve and his team; "You have a _lot_ of explaining to do, Captain Rogers."

**0o0o0**

Iron Man didn't turn up at the tower for a long time after that. Steve supposed he was still pissed off at anyone SHIELD-affiliated, and didn't worry too much. Hopefully the man wasn't planning an all out assault on the tower in retaliation while Steve twiddled his thumbs and waited for a figurative phone call.

Fury had nearly flayed him when he realised how long Steve had been fraternising with the enemy, and had nearly thrown them all in the brig when informed of how long the rest of the team had known and neglected to inform him.

"In our defence," Clint had piped up, but Fury had shut him up with a gesture.

"I do not even want to hear it," he had snapped, "I knew there was a reason why I like Coulson so much, and I just remembered why; he is possibly the only man capable of keeping you idiots in line. I hope you know how to handle him in return, because I doubt he's going to appreciate being reactivated early – _despite his injuries_ – because you thought you could just let a known criminal flounce around New York and your _base of operations_. Did SHIELD teach you nothing? Why did I think you motherfuckers were even capable of keeping your shit together? I should have disassembled you the second Loki was out of the picture."

After a very thorough and very long-winded talking-down from Fury, they had been sent back to the tower like children to their rooms, where they waited until Agent Coulson turned up. He was actually more grateful than angry – apparently forced leave is boring as all hell – but he wasn't disappointed. If anything, he completely understood.

"I've been on Iron Man's case since before he was even a villain," the agent informed him as they stood on the balcony one night, Steve waiting in vain for the armoured man's arrival; "He started off a hero, did you know that? He stopped a couple of insane villains on the west coast and was even a friend of Stark's, Tony can confirm that."

Steve had started at that; Iron Man, a friend of Tony's?

"Not anymore, of course," Coulson continued, "Things went sour somewhere along the way, but Iron Man never lost his charm. He could probably make friends with a grizzly bear, if he wanted to, so the fact that you were drawn to him isn't surprising."

"He just doesn't seem like he should be a villain; it's not right," Steve said quietly, and Coulson simply nodded his agreement.

Steve didn't see Tony for nearly a week either, though his reason was broadcast across the world; Virginia Potts, his PA and one of his closest friends, had been kidnapped and held for ransom just days after Iron Man's helicarrier visit. She'd been roughed up, drugged, shoved in a car and taken away, and the kidnappers had sent a request for money to Tony Stark personally. The number in dollars had not been released, but Tony had apparently paid it immediately and had received Pepper back in okay condition. She'd been kept in hospital for a few days and then released, much to the relief of everyone involved.

During the entire affair, Tony didn't come near the tower. According to JARVIS, who had been quizzed by the Avengers repeatedly, the billionaire had spent a lot of time on the phone with his air force friend or in the presence of police in the beginning, until it had become clear that the kidnappers would not back down without a fight. Then he had personally, against the direction of everyone involved, gone and given them the money and gotten Pepper back. JARVIS had also shown them a sound clip of a recording of Fury vs. Stark that had kept them amused while they waited for their sponsor to come give them the news in person.

"That was reckless and stupid, Stark. You've been in hostage situations before, and you know _damn well_ that that is not how they are supposed to be handled."

"I've also been a hostage, Nick. Ms Potts is not like me; she's not cut out for that kind of crap."

"Be that as it may-"

"Oh go suck a council dick, Nick, I do whatever the fuck I want. That's why I'm still CEO and somehow a consultant for you at the same time, because _fuck_ convention and fuck you."

Needless to say, Tony didn't come around in that time, and when he did turn up in the tower he didn't come up to the penthouse. As his apparent "best friend" among the Avengers, it was Steve's job to see if he was going to come up at all, so he made his way to the R&D department where Tony was fiddling with something that Steve wouldn't even try to comprehend.

"Hey, Tony," he said on entering, drawing the man's eyes away from his project and to him. The billionaire's eyes were an odd mixture of pleasure and hesitation, though his face remained mostly impassive otherwise.

"Steve, long time no get in your hair," he replied, turning back to what was starting to look to Steve like a tiny engine, "Pull up a bench or something. Not literally, though; I bolted them to the ground because I like where they are and I don't want them moving."

"How is Pepper?" Steve asked, sitting on a nearby stool, "Is she feeling mostly better?"

"Yeah, she is. Otherwise I'd still be with her. Both she and Rhodey have forbidden me from visiting her for the next two days, since I apparently spent too long by her bedside."

"Have they caught the people that did it yet?"

"I doubt it; the amount of money I gave them, they probably bought themselves new faces and retired to the Bahamas. I'm just glad that Pepper is okay."

"You really love her, huh?"

Tony looked up with a smirk; "Promise not to tell?"

Steve grinned and nodded and Tony continued; "If anything ever happened to Pepper, anything that I couldn't fix by chucking wads of cash at it, I would start designing weapons again, just on the off chance that I'd get to use what I made against whoever had hurt her."

"You know, sometimes you sound a lot like Iron Man."

The look of genuine surprise on Tony's face made Steve laugh and he continued; "You're both so possessive of the people dear to you. A couple of days before Pepper was kidnapped, Fury managed to capture one of Iron Man's allies and the guy went ballistic and nearly made the helicarrier self-destruct when it looked like Fury wouldn't return her."

"He did _what_?" Tony asked, looking appalled, "I need to up the security on that ship if some random metal psycho is running around defeating my custom security protocols."

"And here I thought you'd be more worried over the fact that he threatened to blow up a ship full of people."

"That too," Tony conceded, sliding over to another workbench and pulling up a hologram, "But if he hadn't been able to break my codes he wouldn't have been able to threaten them like he did. It's kind of caring by association."

"You have the strangest way of seeing things," Steve said before Tony went completely under the spell of his tech, "Sometimes I wonder if you really even live on the same planet we do."

"I am what I am, Steve," Tony muttered, "Now go away, I'm trying to get into my zone."

"I'm supposed to take you upstairs so everyone can quiz you and make sure you're okay," Steve told him, rising, "They'd be very disappointed if you didn't come."

Tony stared at him for a moment before grinning; "Guilt will not work on me, Rogers," he informed the blonde, despite the fact that he was already standing up, "But I guess if I don't tell dear Natasha how Pepper is she'll rip my kidneys out through my nose, so I'll go."

**0o0o0**

"I cannot believe that worked," Pepper, completely fine and injury-free, laughed once he came home that night; "One big lie, just because you couldn't look any of them in the face for a week, and they all believed it!"

"Well there _was_ a kidnapping," Tony informed her, gesturing to the Aegis suit. Its inbuilt arc reactor glowed faintly while it wasn't in use, and the two took a moment to admire the clean and very nicely feminine lines of the suit before Pepper continued.

"Yes, but the rest of it... Can you imagine the kinds of things we could get away with, if all it takes is a tonne of money being thrown around to make it work?"

"Welcome to America baby," Tony smirked, "Anything can be done if you want it bad enough and have enough cash. Also, have I mentioned that you're diabolical recently?"

"You did, right after I thought of a fake kidnapping scenario. All so that you wouldn't have to look at any SHIELD people for however long it took you to get over your tantrum."

"Good, because you are _wicked_, my dear. And it wasn't a tantrum."

"Tony, you nearly blew up the helicarrier, which I know you love like your own child. Don't lie to me."

"Yes, oh great and powerful Pepper. Shall we have dinner in celebration of your "freedom"?"

"I would love to, Tony," she smiled, taking his arm and he led her up the stairs, "Can we fly over Manhattan afterwards? I really liked the suit."

"Happy late birthday, then. Italian?"

"That would be wonderful."

**0o0o0**

"Dumb, dumb, dumb," Tony muttered to himself as he tapped a finger against his cheek, leaving grease marks wherever the digit made contact, "You'd think that Fury would be better at finding out forged paperwork."

"Director Fury's intelligence network is, fortunately, not as competent as they would lead themselves to believe, sir," JARVIS informed him, and Tony smirked at the hologram of the suit's latest weapons upgrade.

"I am so glad I built you sassy," he informed his AI fondly, "How many meetings do I have tomorrow?"

"Four, sir, including your promise to meet with the Avengers for "movie night"."

"How quaint; _movie night_. How did I manage to avoid this thing every other time?"

"The last time you deliberately exploded half an unused laboratory and claimed injury and clean-up duties."

"The time before?"

"A similar excuse."

"Which means that this time I actually have to go," Tony sighed, wiping his hands on a towel handed to him by Dummy, "Thanks bud. JARVIS, scan the Aegis suit for bugs one last time, would you?"

He waited until the scan came back clean before standing and stretching; "JARVIS, shut down everything and secure the lab. I want this place locked up extra tight, since I probably won't be back tomorrow night. Are the self-destruct protocols in place still?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Come on, Dummy, let's get you back to the mansion and Butterfingers before he gets separation anxiety."

* * *

**AN:** I may have lied. Expect more. XD

I changed the name of Pepper's suit because, well, she's not really _Rescue_, is she? War Machine is a machine of war and Iron Man is a song about a once-hero by Black Sabbath. But Pepper, in this 'verse, is Tony's major support, not a hero or villain of her own. Hence, Aegis.

Please remember that this is still movie-verse! My comic knowledge is slim to none, so pardon any terrible misuses of characters or objects from there!


	4. Unembellished

Tony had what had to be a terrible habit of flying around the city in broad daylight. Honestly, he probably did it in a subconscious effort to say "up yours" to Fury, but as relaxation techniques went, flying was probably right up there with yoga or a huge bag of weed.

Today however, he wasn't feeding his not-so-subconscious desires, and was instead actually on a mission. He scanned the streets, searching for his target, and was eventually rewarded by JARVIS highlighting something on his HUD.

"Pepper, there's a _really_ nice flower shop over here," he informed her over the comm.

"Nicer than the one we've already hired?"

"Like ten times nicer; not a whiff of mass production. Bad pun, sorry."

"Maybe we should stop hiring all the big name companies," she pondered as he executed a stall turn to go back and do a fly-by scan of the shop's window displays in more detail, "I had a beautiful piece of cheesecake at this tiny cafe last week, and they do events and big cakes as well."

"But we're still going with that Pnina Tornai dress, right? You _glowed_ in that thing."

"Of course we are; I already paid for it," she laughed, "Besides, I'm pretty sure you'd cry if I turned up in anything else."

"I wouldn't cry," he defended, "I'd just be a little devastated."

"Sure, Tony. Want to see if you can find a nice restaurant that does catering while you're out?"

"Babe, with the amount of money I'm willing to pay them _every_ restaurant is a catering service."

"Money is the answer to every problem, huh?"

"Most of them," he agreed, sweeping towards the central business district, "Are we wanting French or Italian?"

**o0o0o**

"Mrs Latica?"

Mrs Latica looked up from where she was arranging a bouquet and couldn't help it when her mouth fell open in shock. There, in the doorway of her tiny flower shop, stood Virginia Potts, one of the most highly paid women on the planet. A car that was probably more expensive than everything in her shop sat outside, and a man – possibly Ms Potts' bodyguard – leaned against it, looking just this side of protective.

"Yes, that is me," she said once she had regained herself, smiling at her potential customer, "What can I do for you, Ms Potts?"

"Please, call me Pepper," she responded with a smile of her own, "I was passing by and I noticed your displays. I'm hosting an event, you see, and I was wondering if you'd be our florist?"

Mrs Latica did not squeal, because she was far too old for such behaviour, and instead turned to grab a notepad from the counter; "I would be more than happy to help you, Ms- Pepper," she replied, writing down "V.P" on top of the page and looking up to meet the other woman's eyes.

"First, I need you to sign a nondisclosure form," Pepper said, handing the StarkTablet she'd been holding to the Mrs Latica, "Just sign with your finger. It'd very important that you tell no one what this event is, Mrs Latica. You can tell the world that you're doing an event for Pepper Potts, but you can't tell anyone what the event is until we say you can."

"Of course," she said, signing without a second thought; she had always been a very good secret keeper.

"Right," Pepper said, "Here's what we're doing..."

**o0o0o**

The Avengers – minus Thor, who was visiting Jane – had assembled in their common/living room to watch TV. The blonde god, despite not being present, had developed in them all a love for the Style Network, and so when the elevator went "ding!" everyone in the room looked away from _How Do I Look?_ to see who was at their "door".

"Hello everyone," a red-haired woman – who they guessed had to be Pepper, from Tony's descriptions – said, walking in with a gentle smile, "Natasha, I was wondering if you would do me a favour?"

"That depends," the spy said, leaning on the back of the couch, "What's the favour?"

"Do you still have your Natalie persona locked up in your head?"

"I do. I hold onto all of them, just in case."

"Good, great," she said, walking over and offering her a StarkTablet, "I was wondering if you'd be willing to be Natalie for me for a while. Tony and I are planning an event and I'm trying to keep it somewhat quiet until all the preparations are done. You're one of the few people I know who could keep this a secret for long enough without needing to sign documentation."

"Of course, Ms Potts," Natasha replied, taking the tablet, "I'm surprised that Mister Stark is allowing me to be part of this; I didn't think he trusted me after the whole heart disease debacle."

"He doesn't," Pepper replied with a tiny smirk, "But I know you're good at what you do, so as long as you don't go stabbing him with needles again it should be fine. The brief is all on there. We're aiming to hire smaller companies for most aspects; they have a certain charm that the others can't pull off, so try your best to hire them over brand names and the like."

"I understand. Will that be all Ms Potts?"

"That will be all, Agent Romanoff."

Pepper offered the rest of them a short wave and headed back to the elevator, pulling out her phone as she did so.

"Rhodey, hi! I was wondering if you're still going to be in town at the end of October?"

"What was that all about?" Bruce asked, turning to Natasha.

"Needles?" asked Steve, feeling sick, "_Heart disease_?"

"Ask Mister Stark," Natasha brushed him off, poking at the screen of the tablet, "He'll tell you. She's getting married," she finished in answer to Bruce's question.

"How can you tell?" Clint asked, frowning, "Is it some secret woman power?"

"She's wearing a ring, anyone with eyes can see that," she replied, sending her partner a look that had him leaning slightly away from her.

"Any idea who?" Steve asked, curious.

"That would be Mister Stark," she said, and Steve wondered who exactly "Natalie" had been if she was in the habit of calling Tony "Mister Stark".

"You're kidding!" Clint exclaimed, sitting back up, "Tony? _Really_?"

"They've been seeing each other for two years, why not?" she replied.

"How come the papers haven't said anything?" Bruce asked, "You'd think they'd be all over that story. Tony's got more money than god and Pepper's the most highly paid personal assistant in history."

"That's because she runs his company for him half the time," Natasha scoffed; "And the papers likely haven't noticed because Pepper hasn't been in public as much since the kidnapping. Tony probably proposed very soon after that and they've been keeping it a secret since."

"Why keep it a secret?" Steve wondered.

"Yeah, you'd think Stark of all people would be announcing it from rooftops and having people hand out invitations on the street," Clint agreed, gaining another glare for his trouble.

"If Mister Stark did that, she'd be an even bigger target. She's already been successfully kidnapped once, and it's a constant threat hovering over both of them, since they're such influential people. Giving kidnappers more incentive so soon after the last attempt probably isn't high on their list of priorities."

"But now they're planning a wedding?" Bruce asked sceptically.

"Apparently. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do," she said, standing up and sweeping out of the room, tapping away as she did.

"I didn't even know what Ms Potts looked like until today," Steve muttered, and Clint wondered if he knew that he looked like a kicked puppy.

"Neither did I, Steve; don't take it too personally," Bruce consoled him; "I spend days at a time with Tony in the R&D department, but I forgot he even had an assistant until she called one day and threatened to have JARVIS shut off power to his consoles if he didn't eat something. I had no idea that they were dating; I was under the impression that Tony was incapable of relationships?" the last was posed as a question to Clint, who was the most up to date of their little group.

"Hey, I thought he was just going through a bit of a dry spell; I had no idea he was dating anyone. Honestly, out of everyone in our band of merry Avengers I thought Thor would get married first; he and his lady-friend are halfway disgusting when they're together."

"Clint," Steve reprimanded, and the archer shrugged.

"It's true though. Maybe he'll come back from New Mexico a newly-minted fiancée and we can plan a double wedding!"

"I doubt Tony will want to share the spotlight," Steve said slyly, and Bruce laughed as Clint got up to do a "Tony Stark the Diva" impersonation.

**o0o0o**

Besides a couple of mandatory movie nights, Tony hadn't been spending as much time in the tower lately; he'd been more focused on planning his and Pepper's snap-decision autumn wedding. Money apparently could buy you happiness; no way in hell would they have been able to cobble together a wedding so quickly if they'd been most people on the planet, but a date had been set and everything was going swimmingly, for the most part.

Today, though, he'd just peeled himself out of the Iron Man suit after scouting for caterers and was going over some of the more interesting – and possibly dangerous – gadgets that his minions had whipped up under his incredibly vague direction. His personal lab had all the most fun toys, of course, but he knew (from painful experience) that a genius without direction spawned a destructive one and so he usually gave them something at _least_ semi-challenging to do while he was away.

He had taken off the hoodie he usually wore in the labs about half an hour after instructing JARVIS to white out the windows, letting the light of his reactor shine through his t-shirt without a care. It was a luxury that he very rarely had, and he always enjoyed it when he had the chance.

The second the door clicked, though, Tony crossed his arms behind his head and considered firing every single person in the R&D department. He had specifically told them that when the glass was white they were not to enter; it usually meant he was working with something potentially explosive – or, god forbid, SHIELD related and therefore classified – and he really didn't want to accidentally kill a stray lab tech because they walked in when they weren't supposed to and he ended up blowing up the whole lab.

When the door opened, though, it turned out that he wasn't going to have to fire anyone. What he _did_ have to do was make sure that Steve no longer had access to whited-out labs. Ever.

"Tony, I'm glad I found you," the soldier said with a smile so wide that it could probably be weaponised somehow, "I wanted to congratulate you on your engagement."

"Thanks, I guess," he replied, arms still behind his head, and wondered who the hell had told the soldier the secret. He scratched behind his right ear with his left ear and pasted what he hoped was a happy grin on his face. Inside, he was sending prayers to every deity he could remember the name of, hoping that _someone_ would listen and prevent the death of a friendship - and potentially the death of a Stark.

The only thing keeping Steve from seeing his arc reactor right now was the distance between the fabric of his shirt and his chest.

'Great day to wear one of the tops without the light-cancelling tech, dumbass," he thought to himself, trying not to grimace.

He knew that he couldn't keep his arms up forever without either arousing suspicion or looking like a retard, but god help him if Steve was going to find out that he was a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, psycho guy who flies around in a metal suit like this. Oh god, please let his secret identity be revealed with a chance of him retaining some dignity; _please_.

The only people who knew about his reactor were the guys who had found him, the people who had patched him up, Coulson Fury and possibly Hill. Coulson had already figured him out completely – and good lord, had Tony felt stupid when he'd found _that_ out – but had let him go until such a time as he started trying to take over the world. Fury didn't spend enough time around him to know, but Steve certainly had. Despite all of their apparent differences, Tony and "Ankh" were too similar, and one final puzzle piece would probably end with Tony sliced in half via star-spangled shield. He probably needed to get around to separating himself from his alter ego at some point if he wanted to continue being Iron Man...

"Tony?" he heard, and looked up to see Steve watching him with concern.

Oh crap; he'd zoned out.

"I'm fine," he lied, grinning, "I had a thought and my brain split off into about twenty directions trying to work out the problem."

Steve nodded, but still looked concerned; "It's just that... I was thinking; we're friends, right?"

Tony blinked; "Yeah, of course. I don't willingly spend time with people that I actively dislike."

"Well, you're my best friend-" Tony couldn't help but cringed slightly at that admission, "- but all I know about you is that you're smart, you're not fond of your father, and that Ms Potts is soon to be Missus Stark-"

"Missus Potts-Stark, actually," Tony butt in, "and I'll be Mister Stark-Potts."

"_Yes_, but what I was trying to say was that I don't know you as well as I'd like to," Steve continued, "and I wanted to know if you'd like to have lunch sometime and just talk? Not about work or anything, just hang out, I guess."

Tony swapped which arm was hold the other's elbow and smirked slyly; "Are you asking me out on a date, Steve?" he asked, and laughed when Steve started spluttering, "Because, you know, I'm actually a fiancée now. Maybe a couple of years ago, but now..."

Steve had started rapidly repeating the word "no!", so Tony took pity on him.

"I'm joking, Steve. It was a joke. Calm down; god help us all if I manage to kill Captain America without even touching him or pointing a weapon at him."

Steve laughed weakly, and Tony smirked; "Lunch is a good idea, by the way. You free in about half an hour? I should be done with this by then," he said, nodding his head at the currently not switched on machine he'd been tinkering with.

"Yeah, that's good for me," the soldier said, and said his goodbyes, turning to leave, "Um, Tony?"

"Yes, Steve?"

"Why do you have your arms up behind your head?"

"I'm trying out a new fitness regime," he replied, saying the first thing that came into his head.

"Oh, cool." Then he was out and the door clicked shut.

"JARVIS, lock the damn door. Shut Steve out of white rooms from now on. Why was he even allowed in the first place?" he muttered the last to himself, slightly chagrined at the security snafu. That one, sadly, had probably been on him.

**o0o0o**

"Okay, so," Tony said as he seated himself in what was probably a too-extravagant restaurant for a lunch D&M, "What did you want to know?"

"Agent Coulson told me you know Iron Man," Steve replied, jumping straight in.

"Traitor," Tony muttered, leaning back and picking up his menu, "Yeah, we knew each other."

"... How?" Steve asked after a long pause.

"Tanstory came and found me," Tony said with a shrug, "He hacked SHIELD files and found out that I was capable of producing little arc reactors. Guy had a heart condition, he needed to be hooked up to a generator at all times to keep it beating, so he asked me to give him an arc reactor as a better substitute."

"And you _gave_ him one?" Steve asked, stunned, "This may sound rude, but that... it doesn't sound like something you'd do for a stranger. Especially one that had hacked a computer system that _you_ built to find out about whatever they wanted."

Tony sighed and leaned forward; "You have to understand, Steve; I'd just gotten back from being kidnapped in Afghanistan. I was free after three months, I wasn't making weapons anymore and I was feeling _very_ charitable. It was like an extended sugar high. So I saw this guy who was almost as smart as me, close to dying because of a dumb heart condition and I thought "I can fix this!"."

"So you did."

"Yup. He stuck around afterwards, just in case something went wrong, but it never did. Then I wanted to be able to get rid of the weapons – _my_ weapons – that people were using to hurt innocents, so I started developing the Iron Man armour. Two sets; one for each of us."

"_You_ developed the armour?" Steve yelped, looking horrified.

"Shut up and let me finish, Steve," Tony groaned eyeing the surrounding tables warily; "I went on a few runs myself, took out most of the caches and bases and felt good. Tanstory came a couple of times as well, and we kicked major ass together, I tell you truth. Then someone who was pretty much my mentor growing up tried to kill me and Tanstory took him out. Fast forward two years, Tanstory was still my friend and I started having my own heart problems."

"You really had heart problems?" the soldier asked, looking more worried now than angry or scared. Tony smirked internally; wonderful.

"A hereditary heart condition," Tony said. It wasn't a lie, surprisingly; his family _did_ have a hereditary heart condition, carried by the women and expressed by the men; "If my dad hadn't died in that car crash he would've gotten it eventually. Mine was early onset."

"But you're okay now?"

"_Oh_, yeah. Fury couldn't afford to let the designer of all his best tech just _die_, so once he caught wind of it he sent Coulson with a box of goodies and made Natasha my babysitter. Among other things Agent's box contained the structure of a new element, a video of my dad being an asshole even from the grave and the skeleton of a cure. Apparently Howard had been researching, hoping to stop it himself. By the time I was finished with that box I had recreated Vibranium, drunk my way through half of Malibu's liquor stores and cured myself. Said cure is now also available to the public for, if I may say so myself, a ridiculously affordable price."

"Humility just radiates off of you, Tony," Steve said with a smile.

"I am just a humble human being," he said with a shrug, "In any case, during that whole debacle I was a _complete_ and utter asshole. I thought I was going to die, so I made Pepper CEO of Stark Industries, alienated Rhodey and chased Tanstory away. After I fixed myself, he refused to give the armour back and started blowing stuff up for fun. Never in my life did I think I'd be able to call myself a stabilising agent, but apparently without me around to keep him in check, Tanstory was fonder of blowing shit up and saving kittens from trees on a whim than ending terrorism or attempting to bring about world peace."

"So he stole it?"

"And copied it, too. I kept him too close when I was designing the suits; he knew exactly how to replicate it for his sidekicks. He is New York's hero, and I don't exactly hate him, but... I don't use mine anymore, it's locked in a basement in one of my properties – you'll understand if I don't tell you which one."

"Yeah, I understand. I can't believe he'd do something like that..." Steve said, frowning.

"Being a good guy underneath all the crap is different to being just a good guy, Steve," Tony informed him sagely, "Iron Man is so far buried in bad deeds and lies that sometimes I don't even recognise him anymore."

**o0o0o**

"Pepper was running Stark Industries before she even managed to catch my attention," Tony confessed as they were in the back of the car on their way back to the tower; "She was fixing mistakes that could have cost me and my investors millions without me even realising, and one day I noticed. So I walked by her station, told her to pack up her stuff and shuffled her up to the desk that no one had used since I'd taken charge. She's been making sure I sleep, eat, and make money ever since."

"It sounds like a real Cinderella story," Steve pondered, and Tony sent him a look.

"Clint's been showing you pop culture again, hasn't he?"

Steve pretended to be offended; "Cinderella was a thing in the '40s too, Tony. We just didn't have a Disney version."

"Out of all of them, that was always my least favourite," Tony said, making a face, "Nice dad, shitty step-mum, child abuse and slavery, talking animals, sickeningly sweet happy ending – at least in The Little Mermaid she had to actually _work_ for her prince. Cinderella just stuck her foot out."

"That is the most cynical interpretation of a fairytale I have ever heard."

"It's true. My favourite Disney movie and always has been Aladdin. Rich chick, poor guy, magic gadgets, court intrigue, save the world, kill the bad guy, potentially get married about three sequels later – classic."

"Sounds like your life," Steve quipped, and Tony smirked.

"Of course, this makes me Jasmine. And Pepper gets to be Aladdin. Oh god, if we weren't going to be on our honeymoon on Halloween I would totally host a costume ball and those would be our costumes!"

"Sir, you may want to see this," Happy said from the driver's seat, and Tony blinked, unbuckling his seatbelt to lean into the front.

"Motherfucker," he swore suddenly, pulling back, "Pull over, Happy. Like right here, now!"

The car gently pulled to the side and Tony, ignoring the honks of angry drivers, jumped out and frowned at his tower with a glare that could probably set fire to something if he held it long enough.

Steve followed him out and gaped slightly at the sight.

Iron Man, who the soldier hadn't talked to for almost a month, was sitting on the "K" of "STARK", kicking his armoured feet like a child on a swing. Underneath the sign, hanging from the "A", was the biggest "CONGRATULATIONS!" sign that Steve had ever seen, fluttering slightly in the wind, but tied to the sides of the building so that it could still be read.

"JARVIS, can you patch me through to his comm.?" Tony ground out to his phone, apparently trying to put holes into the armour using only his mind.

"There is a channel open, sir," the AI responded, obviously on loudspeaker.

"Do it. Happy, get us to the tower, _now_," he ordered, sliding back into the car. Steve followed, trying not to smile.

"This is Iron Man," the unmistakable metallic voice announced from the phone, "Stark, my nearly-married man; it's been a while since you called, how've you been? You're gonna name your firstborn after me, aren't you?"

"That things had better be off my tower by the time I get back, or so help me god Tanstory, I will blow you to kingdom come," Tony snapped, glaring out the window at the poster marring his baby.

Iron Man just laughed and the call disconnected. Steve looked out the window and watched as the suited man jumped off the "K" and freefell for a moment before activating his thrusters and flying away.

"Son of bitch," Tony swore, shutting his phone.

"He had good intentions?" Steve hedged and Tony sent a razor-edge glare at him.

"You shut up. The bastard probably hacked Pepper's personal email to get that info, and now the whole city knows something's up and we're going to have to either 'fess up or lie like Loki himself."

**o0o0o**

Later that evening, in the New York mansion, Tony, Pepper, Rhodey and Happy clinked glasses in the lounge room, sharing grins.

"Thanks with the help today, Rhodey," Tony said, flopping onto the two-seater, Pepper seating herself beside him, "We have now successfully confused anyone who had so much as an inkling about the secret. Asides from Coulson, the sneaky bastard."

"No problem Tony," Rhodey replied with an easy smile; "It's always nice to have a chance to fly your suit."

"Yours is too clunky to be any fun to fly, huh?"

"Oh, it's plenty of fun; your one is just flashier," he laughed, taking a sip before continuing, "And faster. Mine's better for big guns, though, which is really all I've ever wanted or needed in a ride."

"Always the military man," Pepper said with a slight shake of her head, and they all laughed.

"Besides," Tony added, "pretending to be me is always more fun than being one's self."

Happy snorted, quickly covering it up with a very unconvincing cough, and they laughed again, four friends and a bottle of congratulatory wine.

After a couple of hours just enjoying each other's company, Rhodey sighed; "Sometimes I never want to leave," he said mourningly, "But I have to get back to LA by tonight or risk getting my ass handed to me by my superiors."

"Bah, you were with me," Tony said, rising to see him off anyway, "Oh, I'm working on some new nanotech for your guys; should make for some really good body armour. It may also give you an excuse to swing by New York more often."

"My boss is going to faint when I tell him," he said dryly, and Tony rolled his eyes.

"Not making weapons for the military and not making _stuff_ for the military are two different things. You'll be back by the twenty-seventh of October?"

"And then I'm being deployed early November. Don't worry Tony; I wouldn't miss your wedding for the world."

"Good. Now go catch that plane," he said, patting him on the back and glancing at Happy, who nodded with a smile, "And don't be a stranger!"

"I won't," Rhodey said, slapping his shoulder, "Congrats again, man."

When they were gone, Tony turned to Pepper and smiled.

"It's not very often that I see you smile so sincerely," she told him, stepping forward to wrap his arms around his neck.

"It's become more common since a certain beautiful lady agreed to be _my_ beautiful lady," he replied, touching his forehead to hers.

"Can we set fire to something in Boston tonight before we continue with wedding planning?"

"You complete me."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

We now have three months to fill in before the wedding (current date in fic is July 20), and shit actually starts happening after that.

**Does anyone have some suggestions for funny things that Iron Man can do to these poor avenging sods in the interim?**

**If you have a more heinous suggestion, send me a PM. I'd rather the other reviewers didn't see the evil things we're coming up with behind white glass.**

_**~ Runaway**_


End file.
